Reflections of 9/11, Reminders of our Hope

It was September 11, 2001. It was my sophomore year in high school and I was in Mrs. Keller’s broadcasting/journalism class. We were preparing the school’s morning news when our teacher turned on the national news. The interruption was chaotic as the newscaster said the Twin Towers in New York City had been hit by hijacked planes and our nation was under a terrorist attack.

I instantly got a knot in my stomach and asked to call my mom. The first thing I said when she answered was, “He’s coming”. She knew exactly what I meant (that Jesus was coming, this was the end) and said, “I know, baby”. I cried on the phone as we talked and she did her best to calm me down and let me know it would all be ok. But I was paralyzed with fear about what was coming and that knot didn’t go away.

In fact, for weeks after that day I couldn’t be home alone because of my fear and worry. I was so afraid of another terrorist attack. I worried that I would die alone. Every morning I would get up earlier than necessary so I could be ready to leave when everyone else in my house did. Driving away by myself, I recall looking in my rearview mirror at the dark blue sky as it began to lighten and would see the fiery orange colors on the edge of the horizon as the sun began to rise. The knot would tighten as I surveyed it closely wondering if it was actually a fire from a bomb coming to consume my car and me. I would speed up a little bit as if I could outrun it. Really I was just trying to just get someplace where I wasn’t alone because being alone made the worry so much stronger.

Each morning, I would stop to pick up a friend on my way to school. However, because I was getting up and leaving earlier it was too early to pick him up. Instead of being at home alone, I would sit in my car in front of his house constantly scan my surroundings for any signs of fire, bombs, shootings – any sign of terrorist attack. As irrational as all this seems today, back then, these were the real worries that consumed my thoughts. I had trouble sleeping, I had trouble just putting one foot in front of the other each day. It was hard to just move on with life as if our nation hadn’t just been brutally attacked. And it was several weeks before that knot and the fear went away and my paralysis from moving forward faded.

Recently, I found myself in a similar state of fear and worry. As I watch the world spin into deeper chaos, and read every new headline that is so depressing, I began to think of Revelation and the end of time, because I feel that we are so close. Just like back in 2001, I sank into paralyzing fear…of the future, whether I was doing enough to prepare, whether I was strong enough for what is to come, whether those I love would be saved, etc. etc.

The despair was so heavy and burdensome, pushing me further and further into analysis paralysis. All I could think about was the things I couldn’t control or change. I was fearful about the future, and unable to just be in the present.

I recognize now, that is exactly what the enemy wants – to paralyze us in fear. If we are paralyzed, we aren’t doing anything for the Kingdom of God. Once we are paralyzed, the enemy uses the “noise” to confuse us. If we are confused we can’t take any steps of faith forward because we can’t hear when or where God calls us with His still small voice.

In the midst of my despair, God reminded me of something a friend of mine wrote on Facebook back in 2017.

“If you’re reading this, then we have something in common. God’s not finished with us yet. He woke us up this morning, to make us better than yesterday, to give us a purpose for today, to change someone’s tomorrow, and to do something so important that we didn’t fade away in the night.”

Donnie Stidham, Follower of Jesus Christ – Dad – Author

When God brought this quote to my mind, I was reminded that He does have a plan and purpose for me and that “Fear Not” is in the Bible at least 365 times! This reminder spurred me into a time of repentance of unbelief, prayer for courage, and thanksgiving to the Lord for His faithfulness when I am not.

I came away from that spiritual encounter stronger; with a renewed mindset to keep my eyes fixed on Him (Hebrews 12:2). More aware of being present TODAY and doing what He has for me in this moment, on this day. It may be all I have left, so I need to make the most of it, to make it count.

Father God,

When fear wants to take over, give me Your strength to be courageous. When worry wants to consume me, give me Your peace beyond understanding to stand firm. When I am weak, make me strong – for Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. When trials and troubles come, help me rejoice knowing that You are my firm foundation. I don’t want to live paralyzed in fear thinking about tomorrow, for you said that “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”; help me be present in this day alone. Thank you for it, and for Your breath in my lungs. May I make this day count for Your kingdom.

In Jesus Name I pray, Amen

Digging Deeper

At my church, the most recent sermon series is called Make it Count. Here is a link to the last three sermons, I encourage you to watch them and see what you can do to make your days count, your voice count, your prayers count!

Grab your journal and answer the following questions:

• What is keeping me from living intentionally for Christ?
• How can I use my voice for the kingdom of God today?
• What needs to change in my prayer life to have a deeper relationship with Jesus?

Lastly, if you are like me and get consumed with fear (which is simply unbelief) here are a few scriptures to memorize or write down for reference!

• Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
• Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
• Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6
• When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3